Rage
by Done Gone Died On Us
Summary: Well, Lily doesn't like the world about now. And who'd've ever guessed that James would be the one to save her from her ever-cynical angst-ishness? Penname changed to avoid Mafia.
1. Veritaserum

A/N: Another one of my lunacies; an l/j, and a little twist in the plot this time. Some familiar concepts can be detected, see if you can guess what they are. Dunno if it's been done before like this, but Lily and James co. have never seen each other in their lives until Hogwarts. No secrets this time, they are NOT life-long friends/enemies! Set post Hogwarts, fresh out of school. LE/SS; RL/AJ, (but she's expelled if you read my other fic and so she never appears in this fic because I could give something away. She's really important.)SB/AR(from main fic); PP/none: but will have someone soon; JP/that's why you have to read the fic!

**1**

Lily took small steps toward the dark Knockturn Alley sidestreet. There was the dump on one side of her which reeked of Gingko oil. '_Essential intensifier to Truth Potion; Fragrance to Love Potion when combined with Tomatoes , Sibyll's divining inspiration; Dumbledore's flesh eating slug repellent;'_ a wealth of information rushed to her with one sniff. She knew she was in the right place.

"Severus, I can't let you go on like this. You have to tell him."

"No, Lily," Snape crawled out from behind the large trash canister. His pallid and glowing face was covered in streaks of sud. "I have to do this. This is the only potion strong enough to reveal his location. He already knows Lily. He's playing with me, It's all a simple game of chess for him."

"Who, Malfoy? He's an idiot, Severus, he can't know anything, the potion's too strong! He faints after even the most minute drop!" She knew whom he was talking about, but…

"Come on, Lily, don't play games with me." Snape's face twisted into an expression of anger and frustration. She walked towards him. Her lips met his for a few brief moments. She touched his dirty cheek in a signature of thanks.

Snape pulled away. 'It's not safe here, I have to get her out, NOW!'

"Lily, you have to get out, Lucius is here."

"Sev, why don't y-" 

"No, Lily, go, NOW, he's coming with _the traitor_." Lily's eyes widened, she disappeared without the usual pop. That powerful of a witch she was, Severus often thought to himself. She didn't even make a noise during apparition. 

He often cried to himself in the nights, he knew who would kill her, he said nothing to anyone about it. But he knew, that was all that mattered. He deserved to die, but people needed him.

* * *

Her eyes were red, and cheeks puffy. She had worn sunglasses to cover it up, but her voice still sounded nasally modulated (a/n:sorry, I didn't know what else to call it). Florean came over to her.

"Would you like a sundae darlin'? Chocolate Fudge like you've liked it since you were a little Hogwarts girl."

"Thanks Mrs. Fortescue, I'd rather pass, I'm waiting for someone. Maybe when they get here? Anyway, thanks for the offer." (a/n: too lazy to look up gender, sorry again.)

"Oh, that Sirius, you know he makes such a deal of getting here 'fashionable late'; nonsense was outdated in my time! Have one, darling, you know you don't have to worry about paying for them, the last time you payed you were twelve!"

"Yes, I know," she seemed to be thinking it over. Under the glasses, her eyebrows were furrowed, she bit her lip where it had split the day before. 'Lord knows this child is still a child. I wish He would just take her life and put her out of her misery' Florean thought to herself. She didn't know Lily that well, and had the impression that all the people younger than her were suffering like she had to keep her family heirloom: the store. 

Just then, a bouncing figure caught her attention. "I will take you up on that offer Mrs. Fortescue, thanks so much. And the usual for Sirius?" Lily smiled warmly, and Florean smiled back, still praying to the Lord for her. 

Sirius sat down, his eyes had lost the cheer, but he still smiled handsomely like there was no tomorrow. To any ordinary eye, nothing had changed. 

"What did you find out Lily? How is the loser? Dead yet?" His handsome smile slowly turned into a scowl. Lily sighed. He was the worst conversation starter.

"Severus-" she gritted her teeth, "Is fine. He's been working so hard that he smells of it. There's nothing wrong with him, Sirius, I wish you would give him a chance…" Sirius' eyes warily scanned the tables behind her. He was assuming his poker face, she knew, and she was tired of it.

"Dumbledore says that Voldemort is after James. Have you been taking good care not to tell him or is he after my skin yet? I have enough problems already, I don't need one more maniac out to kill me." Some dry humor, and Lily turned the tables on Sirius. He thought he had her, but Lily darted out of his grasp with her insufferable charms. Sirius sighed out loud.

"What? Aren't you going to eat your sundae?" Sirius hadn't even noticed the large Sherbet Lemon Sundae, glazed with flavoured Eastern peanuts. Though a little unorthodox, under ordinary circumstances, Sirius would've gobbled it up in mere seconds. This was not ordinary circumstances, much to his inner displeasure. He picked up the cool transparent spoon. Still glancing behind her, he swallowed the ice cream slowly. He thought about her and James, and avoided Lily's eyes. She was supposed to be going steady with James, not running around with the butt of their school-day pranks.

"We've agreed not ever to see each other again. I'm not asking him to _die_ with me, Sirius, just cooperate. No matter what you want us to be together, its James who makes the end decision. He has been angry with me ever since I started seeing Sev-Snape, and he refuses to talk to me. If he respects my decisions, the least he could do is act civilised." He was silent.

"Finding love is the least of my problems, Sirius," she said softly. He looked at her, "I have to learn to keep what I have so far."

Sirius got up and left her, and Lily's eyes became cold. She walked back to the Leaky Cauldron, her muggle cellphone in hand. She had to call the broker in Liverpool, he would give away her flat if she didn't call before six. 


	2. Voulez-Vous

**2**

Ok, so she didn't like him. It was okay. He would get over it. James Potter was strong, he, he, he was James Potter for Chrissakes. 

_"Alchemy"_ he read out loud. He hadn't been back here in ages…and wasn't intending to, but this is where he had met Lily…and he was in denial. Of course, where else would his feet decide to carry him?

The London rain pattered down on the little gothic pub. A few muggles sat with witches or wizards that he most often recognized from Hogwarts. They were trying to learn how to turn a paper clip into a safety pin. Relatively simple spell, he realized…he had mastered it when he was about five.

Underneath his thick woolen cloak-hood his eyes scanned the room specifically. Trying to make out the exact spot where he had his encounter with his angel.

"People everywhere

Sense of expectation 

Hanging in the air

Giving a spark

Cross the room your eyes

Are glowing in the dark

And here we go again

We know the signs 

We know the end

Masters of the scene

We've done it all before

And now we're back 

To get some more

Voulez—" 

James sang silently and monotonously before he was interrupted by a cold touch. The song was still playing over and over in his mind like chalk grating upon the blackboard. The teenager made—or rather attempted to make blind conversation with a group of vampires that he had befriended during his full moon escapades. He was trying madly to get his mind away from the ceaseless melody:

I know what you think

The Girl means business

So I'll offer her a drink

Lookin' mighty proud

See you leave the table

Pushin' through the crowd

I'm really glad you came

You know the rules

You know the game

Master of the Scene

We've done it all before 

And now we're back 

To get some more

Voulez Vous 

Voulez Vous

Voulez Vous

He shook his head suddenly like a sharp pain had him in its grasp. Stop! He screamed inwardly. One of the vampires (that apparently knew him better than the others) noticed this.

"Something on your mind, Prongs?" he asked, sounding completely uninterested. Bored, as they were all supposed to sound. "Not going soft are we?" he added. James gave him a meaningful stare.

"No…just a few memories at being back here…Excuse me…" when James left, the conversation soon turned back to the newly invented self-replenishing mugs "Available now at Three Broomsticks!" 

One of the Vampires' number, although, looked after his former partner in crime…he should be back in a few days time. 

"The whole of line No. 75 has been found to be flawed, No. 84 is yet to be inspected, total profits are four-hundred billion galleons. Total overhead costs equal one million galleons." Lily read aloud from the Business Page, expecting her indifferent best friend to be as surprised as she was.

"They are so lying Bell." she commented. Grunt.

"Bella! Are you even listening?" Grunt. "Humph, I shouldn't even tell you that Sirius has invited us to that rich people ball thing. You deserve it."

"Really?"

"NO! What do you think?" Bell frowned in concentration. How could her normally decent friend be interested in the Quidditch Supply Market? Maybe Lockhart books or Witch Weekly, but Quidditch? She was just insufferable really.

"What are you lookin' at you mental?" (A/N: I used to call _my _best friend that in third grade; none of my best friends really ever liked me tho, I wonder why…) Lily eyed Bell's choice in clothing with awkward suspicion. She wasn't going to the ball like that if she hoped to score a rich guy. And too bad that Sirius wouldn't work because she and he were second cousins twice removed and thrice put back together or something like that. Remus would be there, but he was not wild enough for the girl's taste. And there was also James, who was even more loaded that Sirius, but Bell thought he was _too_ wild for her. Peter was never around anymore, and the girls didn't know him that well anyway, so he wouldn't work either, she claimed.

As Bell droned continuously about why she couldn't go out with their closest male friends (while trying to juggle her own and Lily's make-up in her gesturing hands), Lily eventually began to turn the idea around in her own little head. 

Sirius and she had gone out in fifth year…no chemistry, so he was out. Remus was a walking talking Gary Stu in her eyes, too perfect for her to love. She was that biased that Remus dared not even ask her out as obvious as it was that he liked her. Peter was too timid, she'd always thought. 

She was going out with Severus, true, and he was loaded, check, plus he was really sweet in private. The only downfall was that she knew they couldn't be together. They didn't match…They weren't meant for one another. 'But,' she reminded her reflection, 'Not everyone gets what they were meant to get. What else did she need? What was it that Severus did not have?

She knew the answer to that immediately. She needed someone who could compete with her, would bring out more in her. She needed someone to perfect her perfectionism—so obviously Peter and Severus were out before she even thought of them. James Potter was that someone albeit. He brought out the best in her. He was imperfect enough to be perfect, and he even came with the Black charm and looks as an added bonus. Too bad she was not what he wanted. Lily was too plain for him; James needed someone that cared to look good just for him, to make him feel special. Lily would refuse to do that even if God had asked her to do so. 

As she immersed herself deep in thought: about loaded guys, paying off the loan on her flat, about buying a house and her future, her kids, Voldemort, the boys had come to pick them up for the 'rich people ball thing,' as the girls put it. Literally.

"LILY!!! ARE YOU GOING TO HURRY UP?!" Bell's shrill impatient voice cut through the air like a freshly polished steak knife. 

"THAT'S IT!" she heard someone else say. Lily looked at the watch, suddenly realizing that she had been thinking longer than she estimated. She stood up to leave, and the Someone Else had the same idea. James Potter frustratedly lifted her up from behind, her sleek fashionable robes billowing behind her, and slung her over his shoulder. He sighed frustratedly, as she screamed for him to put her down "this instant."

"Well if you hadn't taken so long!"

"I was coming down right then, and then you completely took me by surprise—"

"I see that you still can't think of anything but yourself."

"When did I ever do that, I'm not selfish, _you _are,"

"You see what I mean, there you go with the '_I'm _not this _I'm _not that,' You're not the only person on this planet, you know!" The heated argument still continued as the couples entered the Ballroom and began the customary waltz. Lily and James danced in perfect sync from so many years of experience on the side of James, and the rigorous practice that he made Lily endure in seventh year because Hogwarts Head Students always opened Hogsmeade Winter Festivals. For one dance she had practiced two hours every night. As much as she hated to admit it, this is exactly the perfectionism that she looked for in a guy. 

When the dance was over, (Lily tried to trip James and he pulled him down with her and then she punched him square in the nose; something happened very swiftly, profanities were exchanged, and Sirius' parents kicked them out. They didn't even get through the whole dance.)

"Why do you go out with him anyway?" James asked out of the blue, not even bothering to hide his loathing and jealousy. He pulled his cloak around him and sat on one of the empty benches in the Blacks' backyard.

"What do you care?" Lily followed his example

"I care about you, we're friends, and you have to know that I like you a lot, unless you're completely clueless, as I don't doubt you are… besides, I can be curious, Evans, give it a rest." Lily scowled. Leave it to James Potter to lower a girl's self-esteem; one compliment was masked by ten insults. She thought painfully how he would never be this rude to one of his potential wives. 

"Fine, Evans, I'm sorry, okay, now tell me. I'd like to have a decent conversation because I came out here to enjoy myself and I'll do so, even though you ruined my perfectly scheduled snogging sessions." Lily was becoming more and more vexed with him. He was almost as impossible as Petunia, almost as mentally abusive. And why was it that it was their attentions that she wanted most? She was a damn perfectionist was why. 

"Severus," she looked at James's scowl, "Snape is treating me well. More so than you would treat your love interests anyway if you treat them all like you do me."

James looked down at her weirdly for a second, as if he sensed that she was upset, and it was more than a little annoyance at his behaviour. He made as if to hug her or something of the sort, but noticing her sparkling green eyes, stopped short. She could never be his. She could never be abyone's. Lily was a lady of her own league, and she was too good for him. 

He was overcome with longing and love for her all at once and a quick flashback passed through his mind  "Voulez Vous," he said to her rhetorically. She looked at his eyes like he was crazy.

In one sweep, James let the lust possess him and pressed his lips to hers with force. Lily's mind sprinted wildly, 'What was happening?' 'Oh well,' she thought, 'Might as well make the best of it.' 

The girl released all of the pent up anger and tension upon her system and replied even more fiercely. At first James was taken aback, but all too soon it became a violent race, a competition. The two molded like fire-fused metal and each struggled to overpower the other. Everything was a fight with the two. This continued for more than a little while, until they both had to stop from being out of breath. They had been at it for a full twenty minutes and were more burnt out than pigs in an oven. 

"What—the—hell?!?" 

"Lil, let me explain,"

"Lil? Didn't I tell you never to call me that again?

"Oh get over it, you kissed me back too! It was equally your fault!!"

"You know what, you're right,"

"I am?" James sensed a clever insult coming his way. It was probably something about his ego

"Yes, you are right, it was partly my fault that I let myself do that. It was probably all this stress." James stared blankly. Anything: a pounding to the pulp, a reprimand of his hormones, anything would've been better than this. She was stabbing at his open wound, infecting it with her beauty and attractiveness. 

"I know I'm right, Evans, and I've been going through a bit of stress also, so its probably just…"

"Yea,"

"Erm…"

"I have..er..things to do Potter, so I'll be…going now,"  

"See you around, and fix you hair,"

"You have lipstick smudges on you…" she retorted, ashamed that he had a chance to correct her. James tried to remove it, but always missed it by a few millimeters. He expected Lily to come fix it or wipe it off with a genious invention of hers, but she only reminded him that he had a wand. James felt really stupid.

Since neither had anything to do and only came up with those excuses to get away from the awkward situation before anyone revealed too much, the two only planned to walk around the block until Bell and Sirius or Remus came with the Floo Powder to pick them up. Eventually, around two in the morning, they ran into each other again.

"I thought you had things to do Evans?" James questioned, raw emotions pulsing through his veins like rumors at Hogwarts. He was still thinking about the rush that he felt when he kissed Lily for the first time after ten years of hidden feelings. Lily was traveling along the same roads of thought and realized she had no excuse planned.

"I just didn't want to be around you," she replied icily. Stab, Stab, Stab. He was wrong in the first place to take advantage of her like that. She would bet ten galleons then and there that he kissed her because he already had snogging sessions planned and wouldn't get them unless it was with her.

Of course, that wasn't true. James probably felt more strongly for her than she did for him, emotion wise. It would have been obvious to an outsider that James loved Lily and vice-versa; too bad they weren't outsiders and couldn't see any of it. Love was blind, but lovers were not only blind, but deaf, dumb, numb, stupid, and plus they had a stuffy nose. 

"Oh fine then," James whispered faintly.

"Yeah, you're not going to die if you don't have _one_ snogging session, Potter."  

"But that's not—" Lily had already stormed off. He huffed and started walking it the direction of The Alchemy for a strong cup of Dark Roast. She was such a headache. He didn't even know why she bothered.

In the meantime, Lily was going to exactly the same place to find Severus. Maybe a make-out session wasn't such a bad remedy to her problems. 

A/N: OHHH! I think that's the fluffiest thing I've written, and there's more to come! Ack, yeah, I know. I'm really bad with romance. Actually, I'm really bad with writing in general, but I do it because it gives me pleasure so Screw it All I say. There are worse writers than me (Right, reviewers? *wink-wink, nudge-nudge, hint-hint?* It always works with them good authors!) Oh, and By the way, the song _Voulez-Vous_ belongs to ABBA (love 'em)

-Parsel


	3. Leaky Cauldron

**3**

It came as a highly unpleasant surprise to James that Lily had decided to seek refuge in the same location as he had. He seemed unaffected by that until he figured out that she was seeking Snape, not refuge from him. Did she delight in not paying any attention to him and making him feel like crap? 

James pulled the hood of the cloak over his head once more. Here, it was his motif. The one with the hood pulled up would always be James Potter, and those who didn't know were obviously new to the business. Lily noticed him from across the room with a smug look on her face (A/N: Aah! The song! Just be glad I'm not putting any of Hybrid Theory in here (cackle)) and started dancing with Snape. 

It was around three now, and a Friday (or Saturday) too. The pub was packed with muggles partying their brains out. With their pale make up and black lipstick, James could almost mistake them for his Vampire friends if he squinted really hard and looked from really far away. He stood up and removed his cloak, rushing into the sweaty crowd. There were a few of his Hogwarts friends love-biting each other, and he thought of Lily. He thought of Lily for one second, just before he thought of showing her and Snape up.

The nearest girl to him was really tall. A prostitute, most likely, he thought. There wasn't a difference between this place and a brothel at nights like these. He sighed, sounding very much like his grandfather, the Minister. The girl was a nice dancer. She swayed her hips to the rhythm and led James, not the other way around. There had only been Lily who had done that with him before.

"Calm it down," he told himself, and trying to separate her from the others, flipped the girl in his arms. She (Lily) was carrying on a conversation in a really intimate dancing position with Snape. He tried to read their lips and was surprised to see his name floating around. He must not have been a good lip-reader.  

"I just don't know Severus," she was telling him.

"Well," he replied, "I say you don't go for it Lily, he can only hurt you."

"Yeah, you're right, but I'm feel…empty without him." (Come on, you must know whom they are taking about by now)

"Strong, Independent Lily Evans can't live without a _guy_? What is the world coming to?" Snape joked painfully. He knew it had to be, and he was letting her go. He was letting her die, knowing that Voldemort feared their union and would definitely kill them. He knew Voldemort would definitely kill him. 

Speaking of Voldemort…

The 80s music was blaring to the beat of the grooving dancers. James was working his girl to death, watching Lily and Snape from the corner of his eyes. All of a sudden, there was a scream, and the acoustic guitars took a break. The girl ran straight to Lily. James, noticing that she could possibly be in danger, ran over to her, ignoring his dancing partner's protests. As he got closer, he noticed that the little figure running toward her was none other than Bell Figg. 

"Bell, what's wrong?"

"Sirius—"

"Yes, Bell, what's up?" The second inquiry was from James.

"Lily," Snape caught her attention. "I have to," he paused, "Go." A meaningful stare toward the window to her right. James looked, as did Lily, curious as to what he was hinting. Bell was wheezing now, and crying with desperation. She could get nothing out, but her companions noticed two figures dueling as the spring rain pounded on their backs. They ran out, fearing the worst.

"James,"

"Lily, its Sirius,"

"And Voldemort." They looked at each other with fear in their eyes. They found each other's hands, ready to face up to their worst enemy. 

Sirius was doing his best shooting feeble curses at Voldemort while he sent back nothing but Unforgivables.

"Crucio," he cried, and Sirius fell on all fours, clutching his stomach in pain. 

"Lily, James, get away! He won't kill me!!" he screamed between screams.

"What do you want?!" Lily shouted, infuriated. James laid a calming hand on her arm, attempting to disarm him.

Unfortunately, Voldemort tried to do the same thing. He tried a Meat-Cleaning Charm (Which was used by wizard butchers in the medieval times to clean out the insides and the blood) on James. It started working slowly at first, as he felt a strange pounding in his head and the need to throw up. His ears started bleeding profusely. 

"Crucio," Sirius shouted at Voldemort. Lily looked at him in surprise. Voldemort was about to kill her with The Death Curse. She was ashamed that her friend would stoop so low when she saw two figures in hoods coming toward the Dark Lord. One had the traditional black robes on and one was…it was…it was none other than their Headmaster Dumbledore.

"Petrificus Dominus." Dumbledore's tone sounded almost conversational. It did not seem to match his own Merlin-esque figure. Voldemort cursed loudly, eyeing his teacher with fierce hate. The spell would strip Voldemort of his spell-casting powers for as long as he could go without defying it. This meant that the crew had only about fifteen minutes to get outside of a ten mile radius. They all ran to the Leaky Cauldron, which was within walking distance. They would have to get rooms there for now, it was too risky to go back to their flats.

"Knock, knock."

"Come in Bell."

"I sense a little tension between you two, what happened now?"

"Did Sirius put you up to this?"

"Yes. So?"   

"Impossible."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing is wrong, leave me alone." Lily knew her best friend would do nothing of the sort.

"I never knew Snape could be so…moral and humane." Bell sighed in resignation. Lily raised her brows in amusement.

"I just can't figure out your boyfriend, Lily." It looked like someone had a crush, as disgusting as that would sound to the boys (and to herself really).

"Why would you care darling?" she asked in a sing-song voice.

"Well I'm just curious, 'snot a crime you know!" Lily smiled, but her heart fell when she remembered the last time someone said the same thing to her. Did she really sound as accusing as they said? Bell began to go to her room. She was drowsy and was looking forward to sleeping in. The two were working the afternoon shift for Florean, and their next interview wasn't until Thursday. 

Lily stretched stingily. This was not supposed to happen. Where was she letting her life go? This was what her mother had warned her about. She hadn't taken her dead mother's advice because she was a housewife, and she'd gotten married as soon as she fell in love with her father, right after college. She was stuck at home all of her short life. Lily did not want that under any circumstances. It was time for a nice cup of Dark Roast, as James would put it. Wouldn't anybody be upset if your loving boyfriend was the servant of the Dark Lord that was trying to kill you, while the person that they truly loved hated their guts? Maybe it was time for Lily to take up the smoking habit of her mother's. It kept her going? It may not be too late to take her advice after all. She was going crazy. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

James was thinking somewhere along the same lines. They seemed to be doing that, especially lately, thinking along the same lines. 

The night covered the small motel and its gargantuan secrets as the mother would tuck in her child. The inhabitants slept peacefully protected from the vengeance of the Dark Lord's servants. Even if it was a moment in the fast-paced blurriness of their quick lives. For now, that moment would last forever, giving everyone a break for a change, keeping that flicker of hope alive.

"Lily?"

"Oh. It's you."

"There's no need to sound so depressed, Sirius kicked me out for Remus and his girlfriend. I have no will to be here, you know."

"Remus has a girlfriend?" James took her in queerly.

"Yeah, Angelina Combs, I would've thought you would be the first person he'd tell! You know he has a big crush on you." He took on a malicious expression. "He _had_ a crush on you, but he figured out what a bitchy know-it-all you are."

"Why are you so mean to me?" Lily asked with amazing openness. The air became tense, and James was at certain loss. She changed the subject.

"Got a smoke?" The boy laughed.

"Since when do you smoke?" he asked with contemptuous amusement.

"Since now," replied Lily defensively. He threw his hands up.

"What?"

"Every time I say something, you automatically start defending yourself. What are you trying to avoid Lil?"

"Didn't I tell you not to call me that?"

"What, Snape will get jealous?"

"For your kind information," she started to say, but James interrupted.

"Oh please!"

"What?!"

"Don't tell me you let grease-face dump you! Lily, you are a shame to all Gryffindors!"

"Humph!" ashamed to say anything and prove him right (which he was, except it was a mutual decision, but James wouldn't buy it, since he _wanted_ to make her life miserable

"What, hrpfff?" James tried to imitate Lily's self-assured grunt, but failed miserably. His face was scrunched up, and one eye closed, and he sent a spray of spit in front of him. Lily broke into a chain of irrepressible (sp?) giggles.

"Huh—" 

Lily was now coughing and giggling at the same time, holding her stomach, aching with lack of oxygen. James looked at her and followed her example. Soon, without knowing why, they clutched each other and laughed like the ten-year olds that they used to be at Hogwarts. They laughed like they used to when Lily and the Marauders stayed at the Potter's over the summer just to torture the Snapes and James' cousins. They laughed like they had just poisoned the lake during obstacle flying with the Slytherins so their face would break out like Steven Midgen in Hufflepuff. They laughed, bringing back so many scrapbook recollections that they stopped hastily, afraid of what was happening. They were suddenly conscious that their arms were enmeshed and they were leaning against each other for support. Not surprisingly (atleast to us) they did not let go, and broke the ultimate rule, and looked into each others' eyes.

Slowly, and voluntarily, they inched closer together, trying to keep their hearts from jumping out of their mouths at any moment. Both youngsters, now free of the guilty conscious that came from having significant others, were more willing to engage in precisely that that they had tried hardest to avoid. Animal instincts possessed them like the Devil, and once again, all pent up anger was released upon each other. 

James pulled away from the kiss first, looking at her tenderly. She closed her eyes, as the hormones rushed to her brain, and she let one tear trail down her cheek. She was no virgin, and they hadn't even gotten that far with James, just a kiss (no tongues either!). Why was she feeling this way? If only his touch was enough to give her the pleasure tantamount to... Could she possibly be falling in love? No! Of course not! She had to stop this before he could hurt her any further. She had to stop it before she got too attached. She didn't want her mother's life. She wanted to rid herself of that large lump that was forming in her throat, the same lump that she got when her parents were killed in the snowstorm, the same lump that she got when Voldemort had gotten into Hogwarts. James' eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Hey, are you okay Lils'?" The girl was jerked into reality, and she felt Potter's hands around her. 

"I told you not to call me that," she whispered. " I need some coffee."

"Hey wait— what'd I do?! I cannot understand her!" James ran off after her through the lobby as a chill ran through him when he remembered the incidents of the night. He could see the faint pink of dawn through the window and felt the familiar surge of anger for Voldemort.

***

"Crucio Familiario." 

A dark, panting lump let out a strangled cry as the rocky ground dug into it's back. Waves crashed unto him as if it was a frail attempt of nature at protection. About twenty cloaked figures looked as if they had dissolved into the air. Lily felt a strange pain in the small of her back, as she too fell from the tall stool and the coffee mug broke at her feet. James carried her to the sofa in the lobby and as she dozed off into a fitful slumber, he sat in the opposite chair, watching her thrashing wildly with the nightmares. Six minutes past six, Lily fell asleep, finally under James' comforting arms.

***

A/N: Sorry; Don't say I didn't warn you about the mush! As always, this isn't proofread, 'cos no one cares anyway how correct it is; If it really bothers you that much that I don't know what spell-check is, why don't you review and tell me about your vexations? Believe me, I really care (atleast about my review count *maniacal laugh*). Anyways, even if it doesn't bother you, review? You'll have my eternal gratefullness, and when I get famous (which is very unlikely unless you review) I'll dedicate one of my books to you. OH, oh, oh, I forgot to thank Quack (once more, lol) my bestest (virtual) friend now, for reviewing so often and keeping my self-esteem at a healthy level (heh heh)

-Parsel


	4. Don't Let Me Get Me

**4**

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror 

_I can't take the person starin' back at me_

_I'm a hazard to myself_

As the days wore on, taking their sweet time with them, the group, already close-knit, became knitted even closer. Snape came to visit them almost on a daily basis, and though he and Lily were broken up, James's hostility had not let its guard down. James, making pathetic attempts to avoid Lily, did not realize how mean he was being to her. This led Lily to think that his constant bad mood was because of her, which it was, and thus she spent all of her time with her résumé at Florean's in the mornings, and working her butt off in the afternoon. She was getting pretty sick of his customers hitting on her, but she was even sicker of James. While she was there, he spent his time trying to be mean to her, and when she left, he would mope around. His moping around was really attracting Sirius's dates, and whereas Lily and James spent their time being sick of each other, he was sickest of them.

Don't let me get me 

_I'm my own worst enemy_

_It's bad when you annoy yourself_

_So irritating_

_Don't wanna be my friend no more_

_I wanna be somebody else_

One such occasion, Lily had gone to visit Snape at Hogwarts. As a cover, Snape had started teaching Potions for Dumbledore. An owl had come to Lily one night when James was particularly preoccupied with one of Sirius' hotter flavours, that Snape was in direst conditions. It was highly likely that it was fatal. Sirius had insisted on coming with her: anything to get away from Mr. Sensitive. 

"Lily!"

"Oh, Severus! Who did this?"

There were black bruises all over his exposed chest, and surely in places she could not see also. There was a liquid encasing on his neck, something Lily recognised as a Spine Straightener Spell. Mme. Pomfrey had used it many a time on the Quidditch players' unfortunate accidents with the Slytherins. Lily was practically one of the Quidditch players as she dated Tai Fletcher (Mundungus' brother) until seventh year, when he went insane from torture in the Massacre; that too, right after they had broken up because she had 'issues.' Her parents died in a snowstorm in a horrible car crash. Mysteriously, the guy who started the chain reaction apparently let the wheel go for one minute when it had started moving all by itself. The Dark Mark was found on the scene, but the muggles did not notice because of the overcast sky. 

She had been deeply wounded and somehow it still hadn't healed. Then, after one earnest and revealing conversation with the Slytherin Head Prefect, she found something more in Severus Snape. And there goes Voldemort torturing him too. She wished she would find someone that would stick with her, instead of being afraid.

_Doctor, Doctor, won't you please prescribe_

_Somethin'_

_A day in the life of someone else?_

_'Coz I'm a hazard to myself_

"Lily, may I speak with S—Sirius alone?" With surprise evident on both faces, they gawked at Snape's half shut/swollen eyes. "Lily?" 

"Oh yes, of course, why not?"

When she had left Snape looked at Sirius earnestly. Sirius looked like he was about to run away. After gaping at his arch-nemesis for a second, although, he realised that this must be something serious (A/N: aackk, nope, I didn't mean it). Snape wouldn't be doing this unless there was something really really wrong. 

"I have to tell you something about Potter and Evans," he whispered urgently. His eyes shifted as if he was afraid something would jump out of the shadows at any moment. It had succeeded in getting Sirius's attention. He paled noticeably. 

"You better not be paying some joke, _Snape_," there was a threatening twist in his voice, then he whispered, "Or I'll skin you to finer pieces than the Dark Lord has managed," pause, "with my bare hands." Snape swallowed painfully, both from the sudden pain he felt from the Spine Straightening Spell and from the belief that there were so many people in the world that didn't trust him. 

"Go ahead," Sirius prompted. He failed to mask the little falter in his voice.

"You-Know—Voldemort is after them." Sirius smiled a bit.

"Hey, we didn't know," he answered sarcastically.

"No, you moron," Sirius said nothing to the sudden name-calling, "he's after them _together_."

"Ha! Are you kidding me? I've been trying to get them together for almost eleven years now, and they're blind as bats!!" Snape stared. Sirius shut up because his humourous and hyper tone did not match the solemnity of the wounded Death Eater. 

"The Mast—_VOLDEMORT_ would not sound worried if he had no evidence. Your friends have been engaging in intimate activities behind your _back,_" he spat. 

"Hey, say it don't spray it man!" Snape took on an expression of warning. "Anyway, how do you know all this anyway? How am I to believe you, then?" Both individuals eyed each other with suspicion, and finally, Snape retorted with a slight degree of loathing.

"Malfoy is our Rat," Sirius rejoiced at hearing some Mobspeak1 again, but listened carefully nonetheless, "I've been slipping Veritaserum in his Ale when he comes to our gatherings at The Broomsticks. I've altered the Potion so that he only tells me what I want him to, and subtly so that the others don't notice." The marauder sized him up. He wasn't all that bad when he had no choice but to be good. But why was he telling him, and not Lily or James? Why his own worst enemy?

"Sn-Severus, why are you telling _me _this?" For some reason, Snape looked like he was about to laugh.

"Don't worry, Black, this doesn't mean my hatred for you is going to subside anytime soon," Snape spoke like it was some kind of cruel curse to hate anyone, as if he was only doing it because he had to, but the fact of the matter was that he was.

"I want you to try harder to get Lily and James together because their child is said by a seer to bring Voldemort down, plus I'm working on the Longbottom couple's case right now." 

"Alright! Frank finally got lucky, eh?" Sirius winked, but Snape didn't seem to be getting any of it.

"Was your mother on something when she was pregnant with you? You don't seem to care much that your two best friends are about to die!"

"Hey, don't tell me what I do and don't care about, Slytherin."

"Don't get cocky with me Black, this isn't about you." Sirius settled a bit. This wasn't about him, no, not at all. It was time for the serious-Sirius to surface. (A/N: I meant it that time! SweetSinger says its lucky, lol) 

This was about his best friends, and as much as he tried to cover it up with sarcastic, but funny remarks, the truth remained (A/N: Baby, you're gone! Ooh, you're gone!! *cough* sorry, its one in the morning, and I'm trying to contain all my hyperness. I think that's why Sirius is rubbing off on me tho... sorry 'bou dat...), his friends would definitely die. He had no say about it but in destroying this Dark Lord as soon as he could, whatever it meant for his destiny. And what about this Lily and James sneaking around behind his back thing? He was long overdue for an open and candid discussion with that girl about him.

_I'm a hazard to myself_

_Don't let me get me_

_I'm my own worst enemy_

_It's bad when you annoy yourself_

_So irritating_

_Don't wanna be my friend no more_

_I wanna be somebody else_

A/N: That chapter was pretty short, sorry about it, but I have a question for you readers (who can't be bothered to review {except for Quack, she's excepted 'cos she's special, and plus I think I've tortured her enough}) The Question is: *drumroll please* do you want me to keep Lily and James apart? Or get them together in the next chapter? Its a u-pic fic(yay!)...I doubt that anyone but you, Quack, will respond to this poll, but its a nice way to get people to review anyway. Maybe I should just take your advice and forget about the reviews and write for the heck of it (which I already do, by the way, I just need encouragement so that I don't feel thoroughly stupid. I mean if I'm just doing it for my own pleasure, I might as well keep it to myself instead of struggling with the just-got-even-more-extensive-procedure of putting it up on ff.n {j/k: it's not that bad -_- but still what's life without whine? Lol, get it? Whine, wine? Haha...anyways...}) I think I'm finished now; Oh! I almost forgot! The Mobspeak (1) thing, you'll get it if you read ASW (A simple wish, my _other_ fic) I have this thing planned where he's actually involved with the mob, along with his sister that got adopted by a different family at birth (and Lily and Sirius and _this girl_ *wink-wink* were part of the same orphanage for the first few years of their lives b/c Lily has this complicated life, right? And then Sirius goes and makes it more complicated and in the end I'm so confused, and you're so confused, but then it all has such a simple ending {it ends with '_A simple wish_' that Lily asks of James and then he screams in frustration, and it all leads up to a dramatic climax, and then there's this sequel which is all depressing and crap, and there's also the Dramatic Irony, which makes it alll the more worthy of your reviewing. I make the reader feel all special like in this book I once read, and then you find out that it was a big, large hoax and you're all tingly inside, and wish for a sequel, but you won't get it 'coz the fic is just so messed up by now and its so confusing that if there were really a sequel, it would ruin the whole effect of it..}) Wait, all I wanted to say was that I'm sorry, and I know that 'Rat' is not really Mobspeak, but I'm so hyper that I couldn't stop to think what else I could come up with. Damn, this is the longest A/N, it's so long that I could post it up as an entirely different chapter, which I won't 'cos no one would read it and I...just...can't....stop...t..y..p...i......n...g.... *breathes heavily b/c her fingertips are out of oxygen and her laptop is warming up her lap so much that she just has to shut down the computer....now!* AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY ASS IS TWEETCHEENG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
SUGGA HIGGGGGGHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

R                    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDD                           R

Oh, I forgot to say Ciao,

-Parsel

Wait, the song belongs to Pink; it's called 'Don't Let Me Get Me,' and its pretty spiffy stuff. You ppls should give it an ear. It's about teacher-student relationships so all you Hermione/Snape shippers should love it. Not really, there's one line-and it goes '_Teachers dated me, my parents hated me,"_ oh, oh, and her socks don't match, plus, LA said she could be a pop-star if she became Britney Spears (who she hates b/c she's pretty 'pparently, and _ think i shou**ld**** sh**ut__ u****__P__ **now**..._

Love yers,

-Pars   


	5. Freudian Psychology

**5**

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you and me 

_It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be_

_But there are facts in our lives_

_We can never change_

_Just tell me that you understand and that you feel the same_

_This perfect romance I've created in my mind_

_I would live a thousand lives_

_Each one with you with you right by my side_

_But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance_

_And so it seems like we'll never have the chance_

_Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny, oh_

_And you can't stop move on even though you try, oh_

_Ain't it strange when you're feelin' things you shouldn't feel_

_Oh, I wish this could be real_

_Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life, oh_

_And you don't want to face what's wrong or right, no_

_Ain't it strange how fate can play a part_

_ In the story of your heart_

_Sometimes I think that a true love can never be_

_I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant to be_

_Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain_

_And I don't think that I could face it all again_

_I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about  _

She toddled tentatively into the colossal hall with a feeling of déja vú. Her head whizzed for a minute, and she was no longer herself. A servant caught her before she fell, but she didn't feel the old woman's touch on her; she stood watching the scene in confusion. For a moment, she thought she had died, and panicked. She knew that she must have been imagining it because she was standing right in front of herself. It must have been a reflection. She looked around, but the 'reflection' kept on progressing to the large cathedral doors. Suddenly she noticed something. Her double was clad in a medieval style wedding dress robes. Her own robes were a light periwinkle color and she had a purple cloak tied around her waist. Was it her wedding? No, she wasn't prepared! She did not want to get married to Snape, she wanted someone like Jame-wait-wait a second...

Lily glanced at her clone again. There was definitely an deeper, more symbolic meaning to this. What did that Muggle psychologist say about weddings in dreams? What was his name? Froad? Fraud? Yes, that's it, Fraud! What did he say about weddings? Snakes? What did snakes mean? Slowly, the snakes in Lily's dream slid toward her groom. For some reason, her heart sped. She could see it beating under the silk cloth of the gown. Strangely, she didn't want the her fiancé to die—or atleast she thought he was her fiancé. The man turned toward her, and she screamed. She did not see her to-be husband, but her clone had, and she started to run. To her surprise, her clone did not do so—she smiled and hooked hands with him. Looking down, she saw her own feet move swiftly underneath her. Lily shook with a sudden feeling of dread and imagined that she was about to fall from a ten-story building. Too soon, she woke up with those familiar arms around her waist. 

"James-" she gasped; she felt the sudden urge to describe to him her dream. Unfortunately, there was but a wide grinning face in front of her blurry vision. She blinked a few times. It was not James. She looked at her waist to find the ugly purple cloak that Bell had coaxed her into wearing tied around it. She was in the familiar lobby seat in the Leaky Cauldron. Then who was—

"Those are what the muggles call Freudian Slips," so that was the guy's name-Freud. And this was undoubtedly Sirius that was speaking. She recalled something.

"Hey, Sirius, do you remember what dream-analysis is?" During seventh year, Lily and Sirius did an extensive term paper about Muggle Studies. Apparently muggle doctors (A/N: remember this is the '70s/80s) studied the science of psychology enough to detect Memory Charms and counter them. 

"Yeah, why?"

"I dreamed about a wedding," Sirius' smile seemed to broaden, "and snakes attacking the groom, and I was running away from it."

"You remember who the groom was?" he twitched his eyebrows suggestively. 

"Sirius!" Behind Sirius's kneeling figure the sunlight filtered through the curtain making little flower shadows on the smooth marble floor.

"Ok, Ok, so describe it to me." Lily thought for a few seconds, trying to recollect all the remaining thoughts about her eccentric dream.

"There was a large cathedral, with gothic stained glass windows, and I had on a pale white wedding dress," 

"Describe the dress." Lily frowned at the interruption, but explained it as best as she could.

"It was long and had angel sleeves...It looked kind of antique and old, you know?" Sirius' lips twitched at the ends when she said this. Lily kept going, with a faraway look forming on her face, 

"It was silk, I think, and it parted right in the middle, and split into a sheer layer that was about six or seven feet long and trailed behind me," Lily studied Sirius's reaction. He had taken up the Dumbledore look, like he knew something she didn't, and she guessed it had something to do with James. It always was these days, as much as she wished it wasn't. 

She couldn't figure out what she'd said although. Lily decided she wouldn't tell her stubborn friend that she thought the groom might have been James. She would never hear the end of it—also—'_fat chance'_ she told herself, remembering past incidents with him. What was she afraid of anyway? Oh yes, how could she forget? James would probably be the first one to run away. It sometimes scared her how afraid of commitment he was.  A lump came to her throat. Here she was, her parents dead, her loved ones dead, or threatened to be dead, and she was in hiding from a fantastical evil maniac, again here she was, and she was thinking of love. 

She could laugh out loud at how funny it was. 

"Then what happened?" Jolted to reality, Lily tried to describe exactly how the clone thing worked. 

"It was like I was watching myself go down the isle, but when 'myself' looked at the groom, _I_ screamed. My other self just went on happily getting married. She looked like she was in heaven, but I don't know if I could ever go on like that after who I thought the groom w—oh crap." 

"Who was the groom?" How much could he torture her anyway, she decided.

"I thought it was James, but you know, it was just a dream, and that's why I—" Sirius started laughing so hard his stomach cramped. He was crunched up on the ground, gasping from so much of the giggling

"WHAT?! What's so funny! Padfoot, tell me...please?" Sirius's eyes were dancing merrily. 

"It was nothing, Lils, James was saying something exactly like this—that he kissed you or something, and then you ran off to the lobby and fell like you were hexed...and then he said you said his name in your sleep and—" Lily's eyes widened with every word, but Sirius noticed this.

"What? What? What else did he say?"

"Wouldn't you like to know..." he winked slyly.

"Oooh, Padfoot, I'm going t—" So that was how the greatest boy/girl wrestling match _ever_ began.

Many tickles and headlocks later, Sirius and Lily lay on the ripped up sofa in the lobby as the customers for the night started to arrive. Most of them recognized one of the Blacks or the Head Girl of Hogwarts at once, but some...well some were quite...scared of the duo. Tom, the innkeeper, banned them to their rooms in the nights. 

In the midst of the confusion, James stood watching their over-friendly exchanges (in his opinion). He started muttering and went straight to bed (or the little sofa in the boys' room because the other two were occupied by Remus and Sirius). He was found still cursing to himself under the blankets in the morning by Remus's girlfriend, who never approached him again of her own free will.

"He is a bit looney, isn't it he?" Remus replied simply when Lina informed him. They were all a bunch of lunatics, she decided (A/N: no pun intended on that one if you got it  ^_- gaaah! I'm going crazy).   

Meanwhile, Sirius began on his quest to get Lily and James together. He scratched out a little to-do list on a piece of imported parchment (courtesy of Leaky Cauldron ©) and was currently showing it to Remus, having already tried to do the first two steps of the procedure.  

Step 1: Get Lily to admit that she likes James

Step 2: Make James jealous

Step 3 : Get it all on Recording Parchment

Step 4: Convince Remus to get James to the Magical hospital

Step 5: Give Lily Cockroach Clusters

Step 6: Lock Lily and James in the...

"Er, Sirius, what is this?" Lily's petite figure stood stooped over Sirius and the piece of parchment. Maybe it wasn't—

"Too late. What the hell goes on in your mind stubborn canine? There's no chance we're getting together!" Lily laughed forcedly. 

"He just wanted to get you together, Lils, don't get mad." There was Remus the diplomat to the rescue once more. 

"Its okay for the Werewolf to call you 'Lils' but not me?" Lily flipped around to see the owner of the voice, though she had a faint idea already. James stood in close proximity to her, and when she turned, her long hair whipped him in the face. He looked like a lovestruck idiot. The other two snickered in glee.  Lily scowled at them so that they promptly shut up.

"No, you didn't give me any chance to protest." 

"I heard Sirius calling you the same thing atleast 10 times that yesterday."

"That's just because your an ass. Anyway, you were spying on me? I thought you weren't talking to me Potter." Lily narrowed her eyes at James. He was at a loss. Once again, he found something churning at the pit of his stomach, threatening to spew out through his ears. 'Control yourself, control yourself, control yourself, control yourself,' he repeated to himself. History was not exactly on his side with this one.

"Oh this is ridiculous. Lily—" Sirius and Remus turned their attentions to James, thinking that he couldn't possibly be about to confess his feelings for Lily.

"Yes, _Potter_?"

"I really, really like you." Gulp. "And I have for a long time, almost ten years, since the year before first year when I moved to your neighbourhood, I've been wanting to tell you for a long time, but I didn't admit that I liked you until third year and we just always assumed that you and Tai were the perfect couple, but after he died you went out with Snape and then, and then, I don't know what happened..." James looked up fearfully. If she rejected him now, he didn't know what he would do. 

When the three Marauders looked at Lily to note her reaction, they almost recoiled. Lily glanced murderously from James to the picture of the innkeeper's great-grandfather. When he finished:

"Are you finished?"

"Er...ye-yes?" James offered weakly. This was a very, very bad time to reject James Potter indeed.

"Well then." With that, Lillian Mallory Evans officially created a very bad reputation for herself. Surprisingly, she found she really did not care.

"Guess what Bell?" Arabella sat fumbling over a muggle laptop and its battery, trying to connect it to a small pencil sharpener she had charmed up. She heard that it was much faster to do résumés in that way. They apparently even had a 'parchment' font if one managed to conjure one from the future, which is exactly what the novice witch had done.

"What?"

"That James Potter actually has the nerve to pretend to confess his undying feelings of love for me. I mean, is he trying to remind me that I have no one to call my own?"

"Lily—"

"He mentions Tai and how he _died_ on me, and then stabs me in the back."

"Lily—"

"He tries to tell me that Snape dumped me when I'm still on the rebound. Did you know I ate two tubs of chocolate frogs yesterday?"

"Lily!"

"What?!"

"He does have feelings for you, he's not lying, Tai did _die_ and you know as well as I do Snape dumped you."

"He did not!"

"Yes-He-Did." Bell forgot about fiddling with the muggle contraption and contented herself with shaking the snot out of her best friend.

"O-o-k-k-a-a-y-y," Bell let Lily go, and started cracking up much like Remus and Sirius did. Lily was more than a little put out.

"Why do you all laugh at me? It is not funny!" Lily promptly burst out into tears, remembering her hopeless situation (even though it wasn't all that hopeless if she was only true to her heart).

Lily remembered her parents viscera strewn about the icy sidewalk just a block away from her house. She saw Tai's blood, and him throwing himself at Voldemort to prevent his getting to the rest of the school, came floating to her a memory of Snape, with bloody gashes on his cheeks. She started hyperventilating at all of the gruesome memories. There was Voldemort's red eyes wherever she looked and she started slashing like mad. Bell attempted to calm her down, and when she finally succeeded, Lily wouldn't stop crying.

"Lily...hon, you never told me you were there was so much to this James thing!" Lily paused among her sobs, looking at Bell for any sign of humor or infidelity. There was only concern. The grief-stricken witch proceeded to pour her heart out to her best friend, and Bell widened her eyes in all the right places, cursed You-Know-Who to hell in all the right places, cursed men in all the right places. Later that night, Lily wondered if she really had no one to call her family. 

"Lily," 

"Huh?"

"I didn't even know there was so much to this James thing, I'll admit, but you have to give him a chance."

"Bell, I see that you are looking out for the both of us, but he gives me no reason to take a risk. I mean, I'm giving my heart to James Potter, and he's never shown any signs that he won't throw it right down and stomp on it just to see the look of pain on my face."

Bell thought it over. She seemed right, but...

"But Lily, if you could just see the way he looks at you when you're not looking—"

"That's just it, isn't it Bell? He's always looking that way when I'm not looking! How am I supposed to know he's looking at _me_?"

"But Lily he loves you, and he's scared you'll reject him."

"Can we not talk about Potter? Its depressing. I don't mind talking about his kisses though...ooh, they just make me want to scream!"

"See, that's just what I'm talking ab—hold on, am I missing something?" when Lily was about to reply to the comment, there was a forceful, furious knocking on the door. Arabella rushed to open it, thinking something had gone wrong with some spell that the boys were fiddling with to get James out of his depressed state. It was Remus.

"It's James." Lily rushed to the door at the sound of his name.

"He's gone—clothes and everything, he went out of the window."

"Shit!" 

A/N: I have nothing to say. Let's see if you can guess who that person was that sang that song (Dragonfly… *winks*). It's going to be in the next chapter also. As much as I like keeping l&j apart, (evil cackle) I think I'll get the two lovebirds together in the next chapter. It's getting kind of tiring to write this fic when I don't really have anything else going (except that _stupid_ Teletubbies parody), and I can't work that way…


	6. The End

A/N: Boy, this fic certainly turned out as crappy as the rest of them. I need some serious help with transitions. Also, I need some advice on getting out of the character's minds and getting into the reader's. All of these things can only be helped by a wonderful, critical beta-reader, which means someone is going to have to offer. (*Piercing eyes scan the crowd*) Please volunteer! I'll consider anyone as long as they can spell and make their subjects agree with their verbs! E-mail me/review me with your requests, then I'll ask you to send me a sample of your work (I don't think I can afford to be picky, but..eh, right?). Whatever the case, I seriously need a second opinion of some sort. I'm so tired of criticizing my own work, I just seem to have so many problems with the wrong things, and in the end it always turns out the same way. :( It's getting to me, really, I'm having nightmares about it. I really want to be a writer (and show up all 'dem hataz, plus come down with those stereotypes, u know?) and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get there (including reading those damned 1000+ pgs. of style manuals and all those Ernest Hemingways—run-on sentences, an aspiring author's worst nightmare!), so please help all you talented ppls out there! I promised Quack I wouldn't beg, but _I just can't do it!!! Come on, ppl!!!!!!!!!! _

Enough of the madness, on to the last-est chapter of the story (*sob* I honestly didn't mean for it to be 10000+ words, and 6 whole chs. ^_^;; more *bows tearfully*)

Sirius, Lily, Arabella, Remus, and Tom, the innkeeper, used the Floo Network to get into the Potters' Mansion as a first step to discovering where James was. His servants and house-elves had absolutely no clue. When Lily so smartly asked about past incidents when he had run away, the house-elves had said something about an old treehouse by the Quidditch Pitch near the fence. Sirius led them to the same treehouse, while suppressing memories of the many times when they played there. What if he never saw James again? What if Voldemort killed him? It was Lily's fault, he swore to himself, and stared lethally at the back of her head as she climbed up the small ladder. She was the only one light enough not to break it if James _was by some chance in there. _

Lily sensed Sirius' tension but figured that he would get over it sooner or later. This was not his matter to impinge on. (A/N: so I ended a sentence w/ a preposition! Lol, that was totally pointless...) James was not in the treehouse. Their next step was Diagon Alley, which Remus and Arabella scoured high and low in vain. Meanwhile, Sirius and Lily went to the International Apparition Department in the Muggle Airport customs department.

"Sir, did you by any chance sell an Apparition ticket to a _James Potter?" Lily questioned anxiously._

"And you'd be…his wife?" Lily was about to reply in the negative.

"Uh, yes," she glanced at Sirius, who was the one that spoke, "Can we inquire of his destination?"

"I'm going to have to ask you to fill out this short questionna-"

"LISTEN, _PAL," both Sirius and the receptionist jumped a foot, "I __demand you tell me where James is or I'll curse you halfway to China with your __short questionnaire! Now I may not look all that capable, but trust me, you do not want to find out what anger and frustration can do to a girl!!" By now, what little doubts that the receptionist had that she was angry and frustrated or James's wife had disappeared without a trace._

"Would you like a non-stop or via Frankfurt Madame?"

"Er," Sirius searched Lily for any sign of support, she stood tapping her foot impatiently, "I'd say non-stop, charge it to my account. It's Black, S-I-R-I-U-S," he spelled. 

"Erm, Lily, we can go now."

"I thought so, where are we apparating?"

"Switzerland."

"Typical." With a toss of hair on Lily's part, they were off to the Potter's swiss cabin.

The fire was out, spiderwebs blanketed the wall and ceilings and the moths chewed away on the wooden floor. The cabin smelled of hickory and fresh snow. James was eating Chocolate Frogs in his room on the sixth floor along with atleast six, visible and voluptuous girls. Furthering Lily's fury, they were all wearing _her usual white robes with velvet embroidery (only available at Madame Malkins Robes for all occasions ©).  _

"Rrroww."

"Heh, my words exactly, Padfoot!"

"_What is going on __here?"_

"What does it look like, he hired strippers!" Sirius thought Lily must have been stupid.

"Sirius!"

"Erm, maybe I'll go watch the World Cup on the Network."

"No, why should you go! She's the one that's picked a wrong time to be jealous!"

"Go, Sirius, I'm not being jealous, he's just being insensitive…" Lily suddenly noticed one of the girls unbuttoning James's shirt and one doing…well…let's just leave it at that…" 

"Hey! Hey! Shoo! No, his lap is not a chair! No, no, no, get off of him!!!! Darling, if you don't stop blowing into his ear…wait, no, GET OUT! NOW!" James's smile widened more and more as Lily made her share of comments to the strippers.

"Now, James, I didn't come here to beg for you forgiveness…" Lily was staring at the built in bathroom and literally spouting flames at the ears. They were turning almost purple. Another stripper girl, not even noticing Lily, exited with Sirius hot on her tracks. Let's just say that his animal instincts were getting to him.

When Lily had calmed down sufficiently, "James, ***sigh* I'm not here to beg you for your forgiveness; It's just that the others miss you a lot."**

"What others?" he nodded towards the door. They could hear moans from the next bedroom over. 

"Okay, well Remus misses you."

"He has a girlfriend and he kicked me out of my own bedroom, that _I payed for, for myself and them two."_

"Bell?" she pleaded. James smiled and stood up. Lily prayed for him not to walk over to her, and, as predicted, he did. Their bodies were alarmingly close for the tenth billionth time. Lily stared blankly at him, it was like this was the final blow: she couldn't take having him so close to her, but yet figuratively, so far away.

"What are you afraid of?" He cupped her small face in one hand. He was surprised to find wet tears glistening in her eyes.

"Lily?" he prompted sternly.

"Potter, why don't you just-just leave me alone?"

"Lily. You were the one who came up here. I already left you alone."

"Oh. I forgot." James nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. Words could not describe how much he loved her. Why did she have to keep coming back to tread over his bleeding heart?

"They are the ones that want you back, not me!" she protested uncertainly.

"Lily. We are the only people in this room! Can you be honest to yourself and _me for once?" James yelled wrathfully. Lily flinched at the anger in his voice. James stroked her cheek tenderly. She stepped back like his touch was white-hot fire._

"Lily, please! Listen to me! Why do you hold all of it inside yourself like this? You used to tell me that it wasn't healthy, remember?" The last statement was a faint whisper.

"How do you know what _I go through __Potter? How do you know how it feels to go through each day of your life knowing that you have no family? No one who loves you unconditionally? No one to tuck you in, wish you goodnight in the nights, atleast care that you're living? What am I supposed to just trust my heart with anyone, thinking…hoping it won't matter to them to bother hurting you? How can you tell me not to hold it inside myself. If I won't…well, If I didn't, then I would go crazy! I don't expect you to understand that, but atleast don't tell me what to do. I'm leaving, I don't even care if you come home or not." All the emotions coursed freely down her cheek and her eyes were red from lack of sleep. James attempted nothing until she touched the doorknob to walk out of the door._

Softly, he replied to her, "Just listen to yourself Evans. How can you say that _I am no one? Every night I wish you goodnight, Everyday I show you that I love you, if not tell you, and Lily, I have no one to call a family either." Lily bowed her head. "Again, like always, you are thinking of yourself. You have Sirius, Remus, Lina, Bell…me. Even though they've passed on from this life, you hold your parents and Tai in your heart. As much as I'd hate to admit it, Snape still loves you unconditionally, and I," he raised his voice gradually, "I love you more than it takes to count all the stars in the sky."_

Lily now looked him directly in the eyes, waiting for him to go on. She wiped a few strands of hair away from her eyes. 

"You tell me that I don't understand that you can't just give your heart away. Don't you see, Evans? I gave you my own heart and all you've done so far is cook it in the fireplace!" James gestured wildly toward the fireplace in the room and Lily saw by the shadows that twilight had approached. Potter's eyes glowed fiercely in the growing darkness.

"All I've asked of you, all I still ask of you is that…for once," James paused for a long time, and Lily just stared expectantly, as the clock ticked and the tears died up on both faces. "For once, Lily, all I wanted of you is selflessness. I thought you would understand what I was going through…and atleast attempt to love me back. You couldn't even see past your own grief, that other people were suffering around you, and that all you had to do was help them to relieve yourself. Lily Evans, I expect nothing else of you than you have done now."

James sat back down on his large revolving 'boss' chair and continued munching on his Chocolate Frogs. Lily made a move to walk to him, but stopped abruptly. Again, James said,

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, Lily, I shouldn't pressure you like that." His voice wavered abnormally.

"No, I should be sorry James, and I hope you'll accept my apology." Lily turned the doorknob and almost walked out of the door…

"Evans, wait, come here." Lily walked up to him around the chair expecting some reminder of a something sticking out her nose or something judging by his monotonous tone.

James stuck out his foot and she fell on him and into the roomy chair. He kissed her slowly, slowly as he pryed her lips apart with his tongue while tracing her name on her neck with his thumb. When Lily found herself falling into the kiss, she touched the pressure point on his neck, and he jerked away from her.

"Does this mean you accept my apology?" A small smile was playing upon her pinkish mouth. 'So far, so good,' he thought. Lily looked away from him, slowly extending her hopelessly entangled limbs out of his grasp. She could see a fleeting whisper of agony in his countenance. His lap tensed under her and he too stirred to stand up, maybe wish her a last goodbye in their parting of ways. Oh, how he would never have expected to turn into such a hopeless romantic. An unreadable emotions twisted Lily's features. 

"I'm just wondering if," she bit her lips in conflict. "…if I should or shouldn't be angry with you for calling me selfish?" He analyzed her incredulously.

"You selfish old bat!" he kidded.

"Hey! I'm only 20!"

"Oh? And what about the selfish part?"

"I decided I'm still mad at you for that, but as long as you don't tell Sirius we're going out, I'll forgive you."

"I like the way you think Miss Potter."

"Same here."

The next year, the same thoughts wrought a lovely life for the newfound 'Potters,' and  they lived (or died) with hands still clasped. Finders Keepers. They had found each other, and would keep what they found.


End file.
